Minnesota Lawyer Blog

Tom Parker of Make Magazine recently launched an online version of his brilliant Rules of Thumb book.

Naturally, there's a section on lawyers — here's a few handy gems I found:

WINNING A CASE
When you don't have much of a case, argue the law.

WINNING AN APPEAL
If you're defending the judgment of the trial court, it is good strategy to make the proceedings and judgment seem boring and obvious.

PREDICTING THE VERDICT
The sooner a jury returns with a verdict, the more likely it decided for the defense.

SPOTTING A DEFENSE LAWYER
The more luxurious the law office, the more likely it serves defendants rather than plaintiffs.

Thoughts?

My learned colleague, Michelle Lore, recently posted her thoughts about the case of the young federal auditor who came to town and ripped the head off of a duck in a hotel lobby. We received the following comment to the post, which I thought was interesting enough to pull out and re-post here.

Oh Please! Yes, animal cruelty is wrong, but this case is about an
upstanding guy who got drunk & did something stupid. He lost his federal
job, has to come back to this icebox to defend himself, and has to spend oodles
of dollars on an attorney. People can back-date stock options to the tune of
millions of dollars, rip off investors through "creative" accounting, and steal
people's pensions yet not suffer any consequences. Harm one waterfowl and Katy
bar the door. Let's get our priorities straight.I guess it's okay to kill a duck
with a shotgun and then eat it, but if you do it at a hotel, it's a felony. Is
it wrong? Yes. Should he be a criminal because of it? No. Priorities people,
priorities!

Hmmm. Well, actually I think that it should be a felony to kill a duck with a shotgun in a hotel ...

I have no idea whether the defendant is generally considered "upstanding" or not. I don't think it speaks well of him that the one incident we do know of is tearing a duck's head off -- not something even an inebriated person would typically do. And as for his having to come back to "this icebox" to defend himself, the way around that would have been not to come here and tear the head off a duck in the first place. Pretty simple really. Lots of folks manage to do it.

Personally, I don't have an opinion what the defendant’s sentence should be -- I leave that to the judge who will hear all the facts. However, I can’t help wondering whether the above comment didn’t come from Michael Vick.

Some of Minnesota’s trial lawyers have announced their intention to represent bridge collapse victims pro bono, and I applaud their generosity. But some of these lawyers are from small shops, and even Robins Kaplan Miller & Ciresi doesn’t grow money on trees (well, maybe it does). No expert witnesses, investigators or other litigation support people have, to my knowledge, stepped forward to say they will work for free.

How can the rest of the legal community support the pro bono lawyers? Should we? Are these cases more important than other pro bono cases that cost money? Are some events to raise funds to pay the costs in order? Should the Minnesota Association for Justice members start washing cars on Saturdays?

On a related note, actor Gary Anderson has announced his interest in supporting the pro bono effort. (MSBA convention attendees will remember him from his excellent portrayal of Clarence Darrow.) Anderson recently told me that he is returning to Minnesota in December and would like to donate a performance as a fundraiser for the litigation costs. I’ll be doing more to get this information to the trial lawyers and see if they want to make that happen. What else can we do?

The Associated Press has reported that a Wisconsin legislator has persuaded the state's Assembly to eliminate all state funding for the University of Wisconsin law school. The reason: There's too many lawyers in Wisconsin.

Rep. Frank Lasee, R-Green Bay, was quoted as saying: "We don't need more ambulance chasers. We don't need frivolous lawsuits. And we don't need attorneys making people's lives miserable when they go to family court for divorces. And I think that having too many attorneys leads to all those bad results."

Wow. Tell us how you really feel Rep. Lasee. I respect the representative's right to make these comments, but I also respect the legal profession too much to let them go unchallenged. We know that lawyers are not rated too high on the public's list of honorable professions, and negative, stereotypical comments like these are a big part of the reason. They seriously undercut and undermine the good and important work that personal injury and family law attorneys do for their clients. While every profession has a few "bad apples," by far the great majority of attorneys I know -- and as a legal journalist and attorney myself, I know a lot of them -- are honorable folks who got into the profession to help people.

Fortunately, according to the AP report, Lasee's plan appears to have little chance at surviving negotiations between the Assembly and Democratic-controlled Senate and being included in the Legislature's final budget. And even if it did, Gov. Jim Doyle would likely veto it. (Apparently, Doyle's late mother was a beloved administrator at the law school.)

Let's hope Rep. Lasee's sentiments -- and his proposal to eliminate funding to the state's law school -- are not contagious and don't spread to Wisconsin's neighbors. Let's also hope that Rep. Lasee doesn't need legal representation any time soon.

I heard the much vilified "tuberculosis lawyer" was going to be on Larry King last night, so I tuned in to see him. (I am talking, of course, about Andrew Speaker, the 31-year-old Atlanta personal injury lawyer with T.B. who went on his European honeymoon and then flew back to the U.S. before going into quarantine.) Nobody really comes off looking good in this one.

Health authorities are scurrying to cover their you-know-whats after not taking serious enough action to get him not to fly and not adequately apprising him of the risks. (Please don't go just doesn't cut it.) On the other hand, Speaker does not come off looking good either. Would you fly to Europe if you knew you were carrying T.B. and had to go to a special world-renowned treatment center in Denver in a few weeks? I think a suggestion from health authorities that I not do so would be sufficient for me.

Then you have the odd situation of Speaker's father -- also a lawyer -- tape recording their conversations with health authorities. It turns out maybe it was a good thing he did, since some of what those authorities told Congress about the warnings they allegedly gave Speaker appears to be inconsistent with what's on the tape. Then again, why was the father doing the taping in the first place if he didn't think his son flying might present these kinds of issues later? His explanation to Larry King that he doesn't hear well and likes to record conversations to listen to later does not seem very plausible.

Then you can add to the mix the fact that Speaker's new father-in-law is a microbiologist for the Center for Disease Control and Prevention who works on T.B.! He told the media in the press conference that the strain of T.B. his son-in-law has absolutely nothing to do with his work on T.B. at the CDC. (Read as also covering his you-know-what, and the CDC's to boot ...)

Then you have the border inspector who let Speaker back into the country despite a warning that came up on the computer telling him not to do so. The head of the union representing border agents has said "public health issues were not receiving adequate attention and training" within the agency.

My point here is that everyone seems so busy trying to cover themselves, that no one seems interested in taking any responsibility. That is what gets folks so upset with lawyers and the legal system today.

We don't usually cover news strictly out of Massachusetts, but this little item from our sister publication, Massachusetts Lawyers Weekly, caught our eye for obvious reasons.

Lawyer is shot in leg after allegedly attacking cop with knife

A criminal defense lawyer who regularly practices in Dorchester District Court was shot in the leg by a local police officer and arrested for attempted murder after she allegedly charged police with a knife. ...

A statement released by Suffolk County District Attorney Daniel F. Conley said that 38-year-old Aderonka O.A. Lipede allegedly came at one of the officers with the weapon. ...

And here is my favorite part ...


While the matter is still under investigation, preliminary indications suggest the lawyer was emotionally disturbed at the time of the shooting. ...

Do ya' think?

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